Why Your Child with Special Needs Isn’t ‘Falling Behind’?
- Total Communication
- Jun 24
- 4 min read
It’s the System That Needs to Catch Up
Let’s be honest if you’re raising or teaching a child with special needs in Singapore, you’ve probably heard it before. “She’s not keeping up.” “He’s lagging behind the class.” “They’re below age expectations.”
And even if people say it kindly, even if you know your child is doing their best, the weight of those words settles somewhere deep in your chest.
But here’s the truth no one says out loud often enough: Your child isn’t falling behind. The timeline was never built for them in the first place.
The Quiet Pressure of “Keeping Up”
Singapore’s education system is known for being structured, fast-paced, and rigorous. Many children thrive in it, but it isn’t designed for every learning brain.
For neurodiverse children, those with autism, ADHD, developmental delays, learning differences, or speech and language need the pressure to “keep up” can feel constant and relentless. Not just for the child, but for the parents and teachers who care about them.
It shows up early.
At age 2, if a child isn’t speaking clearly yet.
At 4, if they can’t sit through phonics lessons.
At 6, if they haven’t learnt to write on the lines.
By P1, if they can’t follow classroom routines.
We’re told: they’re behind.
What we’re not told is that this timeline, this system was created with a very narrow picture of development in mind.
Read more:
Who Decided the Timeline?
Think about it.
Why is reading fluently at age 6 a milestone?
Why is copying from the whiteboard a skill expected in early Primary?
Why is social interaction measured by group play in a noisy classroom?
These expectations come from research, yes, but also from systems that favour efficiency over individuality. They prioritise what’s easy to measure, not what’s most meaningful.
But development isn’t linear. Brains don’t all wire up in the same order. Some children speak later but go on to have exceptional verbal reasoning. Some struggle with handwriting but excel at storytelling. Some need years to regulate emotions, but become calm, compassionate teenagers.
The problem isn’t that they’re not learning. It’s that they’re not learning in the way or timeframe the system expects.
What falling behind really means
When schools or assessment reports say a child is “falling behind,” what they often mean is:
They don’t meet the expected standard for their age
They need extra time or support to grasp concepts
They require adaptations to access learning
But here’s the reframe:
What if these aren’t deficits?
What if they’re simply signs of a different developmental path?
Imagine you’re in a race, but the starting line was placed 20 metres ahead for others. Would it be fair to say you’re “slow,” or would we question how the race was designed?
Children with special needs are often asked to run that race every day. And too often, they start internalising that something’s wrong with them. That they’re not good enough. That they’ll never “catch up.”
What parents see, that the system sometimes misses
Parents of neurodivergent children often see things that don’t show up on standard checklists.
You see:
How your child remembers the names of every MRT station
How they comfort their baby sibling without being told
How they light up when building things, or solving puzzles, or dancing alone in the living room
But then you attend a school meeting, and none of those strengths are on the agenda.
Instead, the focus is often on what they can’t do yet.
It’s exhausting. It’s unfair. And it doesn’t reflect the full picture.
Teachers are doing their best. But they’re stretched
Many teachers in Singapore are compassionate, creative, and committed. They want every child to succeed. They see the effort your child is making.
But the truth is, most teachers weren’t trained deeply in special needs education. They’re managing large class sizes, packed curricula, and limited time.
They may want to differentiate, but they don’t always have the tools or support. And so, even with the best intentions, neurodiverse children end up being compared to neurotypical standards.
This isn’t about blaming teachers. It’s about recognising the need for systemic change.
So what needs to change?
We need to stop measuring all children by the same ruler.
We need more flexible learning pathways in both mainstream and special education.
We need educators to be trained not just to spot “red flags,” but to understand different brains.
We need to celebrate diverse intelligences, not just academic ones.
We need to give parents space to stop feeling like they’re constantly playing catch-up.
What you can do, as a Parent or Educator
Shift the Language: Replace “falling behind” with “developing differently.” Say “learning at their pace,” not “slow.”
Advocate Gently, But Firmly: Ask schools for accommodations that respect your child’s strengths. Bring in expert voices when needed.
Focus on Growth, Not Gaps: Track progress in areas that matter to your child’s functioning and joy, not just what the curriculum says.
Protect Your Child’s Confidence: They are learning, even if it looks different. Your belief in them is the buffer they carry into every classroom.
Remember: It’s Not a Race: It’s a journey. And your child is already on their way.
For Every Parent Who’s Had to Fight Twice as Hard
If you’ve felt like the system doesn’t quite “get” your child, you’re not imagining it. If you’ve sat in school meetings feeling defensive, frustrated, or heartbroken, you’re not overreacting. If you’ve celebrated small wins that others overlook, you’re doing something deeply right.
At Total Communication, we work with children, families, and schools who are all navigating this same system. We’ve seen what’s possible when support is truly individualised, not standardised. We believe in the long game. The slow build. The child-first approach.
And we know, truly know that your child is not behind.
They are becoming who they’re meant to be. At their own pace. In their own way.
Let’s build systems that meet them where they are, instead of asking them to race ahead.
If this spoke to you...
If you're tired of hearing what your child can't do and ready to start focusing on what they can become, reach out to us. Not for answers. Not for fixes. Just for an evidence-based approach that starts from a place of understanding.
We’re here. We see you. And we’re listening.
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