“Seeing Is Knowing”: Why Some Children Struggle to Understand What Others Can and Cannot See
- Bethany Yu
- 16 hours ago
- 3 min read
Parents often notice puzzling moments during play or learning. A child might hold cards facing themselves and assume everyone else knows what’s on them. Or they may hide a toy behind their back and expect others to “guess” its colour or shape.
When asked a question like, “What colour is the bear in my hand?” without showing them first, they are unsure or answer incorrectly.
This is not a lack of intelligence or attention. It reflects a developmental difference in understanding perspective - the ability to realise that others cannot know something you know unless it is communicated or visible.
At Total Communication, we frequently see this with children who are autistic or have language and social-communication differences. Understanding it is crucial because it underpins communication, social interaction, and problem-solving.
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Why Some Children Struggle With Perspective-Taking
Typically developing children gradually learn that others see and know different things from themselves. This is sometimes called “Theory of Mind.” It involves recognising that what you know is not automatically known by others.
For some children - particularly children on autistic specturm disorder - this understanding develops more slowly or differently. They may:
Assume everyone knows what they know.
Struggle to predict what others can see or understand.
Miss that hidden or private information cannot be guessed.
Rely heavily on direct cues to respond correctly.
For example, if a child places a card facing themselves and asks a sibling, “Which card is this?” they may not realise the sibling cannot see it. Or when a parent holds up a toy behind their back and asks about its colour, the child cannot answer unless the toy is shown.
Where This Shows Up in Daily Life
This difference affects many everyday interactions:
Games like memory cards, hide-and-seek, or “guess what I’m holding”.
Classroom tasks where children must infer instructions or shared information.
Conversations where children assume others know what they know or cannot infer what others see.
Social interactions that require anticipating someone else’s knowledge, intention, or perspective.
These difficulties are often misinterpreted as inattentiveness, stubbornness, or lack of reasoning, but they reflect a developmental gap in perspective-taking, not ability.
How Parents and Caregivers Can Support Perspective-Taking
Helping children understand “seeing is knowing” involves making perspectives explicit and providing repeated, safe practice:
Use direct visual cues: When asking a child to identify something, make sure they can see it. Show the object before questioning.
Play perspective-taking games: Simple activities like peek-a-boo, hiding objects, or guessing games where children must consider what another person can see can build awareness.
Model thinking aloud: Say, “I cannot see your card. Can you show it to me?” to demonstrate perspective differences.
Encourage descriptive language: Prompt children to describe what they are doing or seeing so others can understand.
Use visuals and gestures: Sometimes pointing, demonstrating, or showing diagrams makes abstract perspective-taking concrete.
Why This Matters for Communication and Social Skills
Perspective-taking is a foundational skill for effective communication. Without it, children may:
Struggle to give or follow instructions.
Misinterpret social cues or intentions.
Become frustrated when others “don’t know what I know”.
Appear rude or inattentive, unintentionally.
Supporting perspective-taking helps children communicate more clearly, anticipate misunderstandings, and participate more confidently in social and learning environments.
Understanding Minds, Not Just Words
Understanding that “others cannot know what we cannot see” is not intuitive for all children. For many autistic children or those with language differences, this skill must be explicitly taught and practised.
At Total Communication, we work on perspective-taking through shared experiences, play, and guided conversation, always focusing on understanding rather than compliance. When children learn to consider what others see and know, their communication becomes more natural, less frustrating, and far more effective.
Connect with us:
Call/WhatsApp: +65 9115 8895
Fill our reachout form: https://www.totalcommunication.com.sg/contact
Bethany Yu
Developmental - Educational Therapist
known for her warm, personalised approach and strong multicultural insight. Trained in Feuerstein’s Instrumental Enrichment and Lindamood-Bell programmes, she supports children’s language, literacy, and thinking skills through engaging, strengths-based sessions that build confidence and independence.
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