Why Rewards Stop Working Over Time

Bethany Yu
14 hours ago
3 min read

Child with crossed arms and a mischievous expression beside bold text "WHY REWARDS STOP WORKING" on a colorful background. Total Communication

Sticker charts, treats, screen time, praise. Most parents have used rewards at some point, and often with good intentions. Initially, rewards can be effective.

Behaviour improves. Tasks get done. Everyone feels relieved.

Then, slowly, something shifts. The reward needs to be bigger. The behaviour only happens if the reward is guaranteed. Or worse, the child refuses to engage unless something is offered first.

Parents often feel stuck and frustrated. The question becomes, “Why did this stop working?”

The answer lies in how motivation and the brain actually develop.

What Rewards Are Good At Doing

Rewards are very effective at producing short-term behaviour change. They create external motivation. The child performs the task to obtain a reward at the end.

This can be helpful when introducing a new routine, supporting a child through a difficult transition, or reinforcing a specific skill for a short period of time. But rewards do not teach the brain how to plan, regulate, or initiate independently. They outsource motivation to something external.

Why Rewards Lose Their Power

Over time, the brain adapts. What once felt exciting becomes expected. The reward no longer motivates in the same way, so the child needs more of it to engage.

More importantly, the child learns an unintended lesson. “I only need to do this if I get something.” The task itself never becomes meaningful or manageable.

For children with executive function challenges, autism, or ADHD, this is especially problematic. These children already struggle with initiation, persistence, and self-regulation. When rewards are doing all the motivating, those internal skills are not being practised.

Rewards Can Undermine Intrinsic Motivation

Intrinsic motivation is the internal drive to do something because it feels purposeful, satisfying, or meaningful.

When rewards are used heavily, children can lose touch with this internal drive. They stop noticing feelings of pride, competence, or completion because their focus shifts to the reward.

This is why some children say, “What do I get if I do it?” instead of simply starting the task.

The brain is not being stubborn. It has learned that effort only matters if there is a payoff.

Why Rewards Often Increase Power Struggles

Rewards can unintentionally turn everyday tasks into negotiations. Parents feel like they are constantly bargaining, and children feel pressured or controlled.

This dynamic can trigger resistance, especially in neurodivergent children who are sensitive to demands. The reward may feel less like encouragement and more like manipulation.

When children feel controlled, behaviour often worsens, not improves.

What Builds Long-Term Motivation Instead

Long-term motivation grows from three things: feeling capable, feeling safe, and feeling understood. Children are more likely to engage when tasks feel manageable. Breaking tasks into smaller steps, offering support to start, and reducing overwhelm build confidence.

Language matters too. Declarative language and thoughtful prompts invite children to think rather than comply. This supports executive function and self-monitoring in ways that rewards cannot.

Celebrating effort, not outcomes, helps children notice their own progress. Over time, this builds internal motivation that does not depend on external incentives.

When Rewards Can Still Be Helpful

This is not about never using rewards. Rewards can be useful when they are temporary, specific, and paired with skill-building.

The key difference is intention. Are rewards being used as a bridge while skills develop, or as a permanent solution to get compliance?

When rewards are phased out gradually and replaced with structure, support, and autonomy, children are more likely to develop independence.

Moving From Control to Confidence

When rewards stop working, it is not a sign that a child is lazy or unmotivated. It is a sign that the brain is ready for a different kind of support.

Children do not need bigger rewards. They need skills, safety, and opportunities to experience success through effort.

When motivation comes from within, behaviour becomes more sustainable, and parenting becomes far less exhausting.