Experience Sharing and Declarative Language: Helping Children Learn Through Observation and Conversation
- Bethany Yu
- 21 minutes ago
- 3 min read
Parenting and therapy often involve guiding children to complete tasks or communicate effectively. Many adults rely heavily on instructions and commands, believing that telling a child exactly what to do is the fastest way to help them succeed. While this approach has its place, it can inadvertently limit a child’s ability to think, plan, and communicate independently.
At Total Communication, we encourage a different approach: combining experience sharing with declarative language. This strategy helps children learn by observing, reflecting, and participating, rather than only responding to commands. This approach is commonly used within speech therapy and developmental therapy in Singapore, especially for children who benefit from learning through observation rather than constant instruction.
In this blog:
What is Experience Sharing?
Experience sharing is exactly what it sounds like: observing and talking about experiences together. It is not teaching in a formal sense. Instead, it’s noticing what’s happening in the environment, commenting on it, and modelling thinking aloud.
For example, while making a snack, a parent might say:
“I’m pouring the milk into the bowl.”
“The cereal is making a lot of sound as it falls.”
Rather than expecting the child to act immediately, these statements allow the child to observe, process, and eventually participate. Over time, children internalise the sequence, vocabulary, and problem-solving strategies, building both communication and executive function skills.
What is Declarative Language?
Declarative language involves sharing information or observations without issuing a command. It focuses on describing, commenting, or reflecting rather than telling a child what to do.
Compare the two approaches:
Imperative: “Put your shoes on.”
Declarative: “Your shoes are by the door.”
The declarative statement draws attention and encourages self-directed action. The child must notice, interpret, and decide what to do next. This supports planning, decision-making, and self-monitoring, which are essential components of executive function.
These are core goals within developmental therapy in Singapore, where the focus is on how children process, plan, and engage with the world.
Why Declarative Language Supports Experience Sharing
When experience sharing is paired with declarative language, children have the space to:
Observe and understand events
Reflect on sequences and outcomes
Plan and initiate actions independently
Develop language to describe their own thoughts
For example, while baking, a parent might say:
“The cookie dough is sticky right now.”
“I’m putting the tray in the oven.”
The child can choose to participate by stirring, adding ingredients, or observing closely. The goal is not immediate task completion but learning through engagement, observation, and reflection.
How This Looks in Daily Life
Experience sharing and declarative language can be applied in simple everyday activities:
Household tasks: “The floor is wet from mopping. Watch how I move the mop.”
Play: “The blocks are falling over. Look at how they stack when I move slowly.”
Outside: “The leaves are swirling in the wind. Can you see which way they go?”
Meals: “I’m cutting the vegetables into small pieces. Look at the shapes.”
These small, descriptive statements create rich learning opportunities without pressure, and they allow children to internalise routines, vocabulary, and sequencing naturally.
Why This Matters for Neurodivergent Children
Children with autism, ADHD, or language differences often struggle with processing multiple steps or anticipating what comes next. Constant commands can increase stress, reduce engagement, and create dependence on adult guidance.
Experience sharing with declarative language:
Builds observation and attention skills
Encourages self-initiated action
Reduces pressure and power struggles
Provides a foundation for social communication and language development
This approach aligns with Total Communication’s philosophy: supporting the process of learning and engagement, not just the product.
Tips for Parents and Caregivers
Comment, don’t command: Focus on describing what is happening rather than instructing.
Model thinking aloud: Share your observations, decisions, or reflections as you do an activity.
Pause and wait: Give the child time to notice, process, and act.
Highlight effort and curiosity: Celebrate when children participate or show understanding, even partially.
Use visuals if helpful: Pictures or objects can reinforce observation and language.
Final Takeaway
Experience sharing combined with declarative language helps children observe, think, and act independently. It strengthens language, executive function, and communication skills without pressure or constant instruction.
At Total Communication, our Speech Therapy & Developmental therapy, focuses on learning through connection, participation, and shared experiences rather than compliance. By sharing experiences and modelling language in a descriptive, non-commanding way, we create opportunities for confidence, independence, and meaningful communication.
If you notice your child struggles with self-initiation, storytelling, or sequencing tasks, small shifts in language and experience sharing at home can make a significant difference.
An Invite to Connect:
Phone / WhatsApp: +65 9115 8895
Fill our reachout form: https://www.totalcommunication.com.sg/contact
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