Why Some Teens Struggle to Explain Themselves (And How Parents Can Help)
- Bethany Yu
- 5 days ago
- 4 min read
"How was school?"
"Fine."
"What did you do today?"
"Nothing."
Many parents of teenagers know this conversation all too well. It can be frustrating when your teen gives one-word answers, struggles to explain what happened during their day, or responds with "I don't know" to seemingly simple questions. Parents often wonder whether their teenager is being dismissive, unmotivated, or simply unwilling to talk.
In reality, many teens genuinely struggle to put their thoughts into words. At Total Communication, we often see adolescents who know far more than they can explain. The challenge is not a lack of intelligence or effort. It is often a combination of language, executive functioning, self-awareness, and communication skills.
Explaining Is Harder Than It Looks
Many adults assume that talking about experiences is straightforward. In reality, explaining requires a teen to:
remember what happened
identify the most important information
organise events into a logical sequence
consider what the listener already knows
find the right words
monitor whether their explanation makes sense
All of this happens within seconds.
For some teens, especially those with language, executive function, or social communication difficulties, this process can feel overwhelming. When the thinking demand becomes too high, "I don't know" often becomes the easiest response.
Sometimes the Question Is Too Big
Questions like "How was school?" seem simple, but they are actually very broad.
A teenager has to sort through six to eight hours of lessons, conversations, activities, and experiences before deciding what to share.
For many adolescents, that is a significant cognitive task. This is why broad questions often produce brief answers. The issue is not necessarily unwillingness. The question itself may require more organisation than the teen can manage in that moment.
Executive Function Plays a Bigger Role Than Parents Realise
Executive function refers to the mental skills that help us plan, organise, prioritise, and manage information. The same skills needed to organise an essay are often needed to organise a verbal explanation.
When executive functioning is weak, teens may struggle to:
recall events in order
identify key details
stay on topic
explain their reasoning
communicate clearly under pressure
This is one reason why some bright, capable adolescents struggle to tell parents about their day or explain what happened during a disagreement with a friend.
Educational Therapy for children in Singapore often focuses on strengthening these underlying executive function skills, which support both academic learning and everyday communication.
Self-Awareness Matters Too
Sometimes the challenge is not finding the words. It is identifying the thoughts in the first place. Many teenagers are still developing their sense of self. They may struggle to recognise:
what they are feeling
why they reacted a certain way
what they enjoyed
what they found difficult
If a teen cannot clearly identify their internal experience, it becomes much harder to explain it to someone else. This is why questions such as "How are you feeling?" often receive the same answer:
"I don't know."
The answer may be completely genuine.
Language and Social Communication Skills Also Matter
Some adolescents have difficulty organising language, telling stories, or understanding what information another person needs to know.
For example, they may:
leave out important details
jump between topics
assume others already know what they know
struggle to explain events clearly
These communication challenges are often addressed through Speech Therapy services in Singapore. A speech therapist or speech language pathologist may work with adolescents on narrative skills, perspective-taking, expressive language, and social communication. The goal is not simply to help teens talk more. It is to help them communicate their ideas more effectively.
How Parents Can Help
When teens struggle to explain themselves, asking more questions is not always the answer. In fact, it can sometimes increase pressure. Instead, try making observations.
Rather than asking: "How was school?"
You might say: "You seem quite tired today."
Instead of: "What happened during maths?"
Try: "I wonder if maths was challenging today."
These observations give teens something concrete to respond to and reduce the demand of generating an answer from scratch.
It can also help to:
give teens time to think before answering
ask specific rather than broad questions
focus on one event rather than an entire day
accept partial responses as a starting point
Meaningful conversations often develop gradually.
A Final Reflection
When teenagers struggle to explain themselves, it is easy to assume they are not trying.
More often, they are navigating a complex combination of language, executive function, and self-awareness demands that adults rarely notice. The next time your teen responds with "I don't know," consider what might be happening beneath the surface.
They may not be avoiding the conversation.
They may simply need support turning their thoughts into words.
With patience, understanding, and the right strategies, teens can develop stronger communication skills, greater self-awareness, and more confidence in expressing themselves.
Connect with Total Communication to learn more:
Call/WhatsApp: +65 9115 8895
Address: 1 Pemimpin Drive #11-08 Singapore 576151
Tuesday - Saturday: 9 am - 6 pm
Visit our website: https://www.totalcommunication.com.sg/contact
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