Productive Uncertainty: Why “Not Knowing” can be Good for Your Child

Jerlyn Tong
13 hours ago
2 min read

As adults, we often rush to give children answers. We explain. We clarify. We step in quickly when they’re unsure. It comes from a good place - we want them to feel safe, confident, and successful.

Text "Productive Uncertainty: Why 'Not Knowing' Can Be Good for Your Child" with a smiling woman pointing up and a parent-child illustration. | Jerlyn | Total Communication

But in therapy, we often do something that looks very different. We intentionally create productive uncertainty.

What Is Productive Uncertainty?

Productive uncertainty is the experience of:

Not immediately knowing the answer
Feeling a little unsure
Having to pause, think, try, and reflect

Two young children sit on a brown couch, gazing at each other with curious expressions. Cartoon question mark bubbles hover above their heads. Total Communication in Singapore.

It is not about overwhelming a child or leaving them unsupported. Instead, it’s about:

Holding space for “I’m not sure yet.”
Letting the child explore possibilities
Supporting them through the process of thinking

This kind of uncertainty becomes productive when it is paired with:

Safety
Co-regulation
Gentle guidance

Why Not Knowing Is Important for the Brain

When a child always receives immediate answers:

Thinking becomes passive
Problem-solving skills are underused
Tolerance for challenge remains low

But when a child experiences just enough uncertainty, their brain begins to:

Generate ideas
Compare options
Make connections
Stay flexible

This is how cognitive flexibility develops. Cognitive flexibility is the ability to:

Try a different strategy
Shift perspective
Adapt when something doesn’t go as planned

These are not just academic skills - they are life skills.

Building Resilience Through Uncertainty

Resilience doesn’t come from always getting things right. It comes from learning that:

“I can be unsure and still cope.”
“I can make mistakes and try again.”
“I don’t need the answer immediately to be okay.”

When children are gently supported through uncertainty, they learn:

Emotional regulation
Frustration tolerance
Persistence
Confidence in their own thinking

Over time, this builds a child who is:

Less avoidant
More willing to try
Better able to handle challenges

How We Use Productive Uncertainty in Therapy

In our therapy sessions, productive uncertainty is intentional and carefully supported.

We might:

Ask open-ended questions instead of giving answers
Pause before correcting
Encourage children to explain their thinking
Present problems with more than one possible solution

During this process, the therapist is actively:

Co-regulating with the child
Monitoring stress levels
Adjusting support to keep the challenge manageable

The goal is not to make things hard - it’s to make thinking meaningful.

What Skills Does Productive Uncertainty Build?

When used consistently and safely, productive uncertainty helps children develop:

Cognitive flexibility
Problem-solving skills
Executive functioning
Emotional resilience
Independence in learning
Confidence in their own ideas

These are the skills that support children not just in school - but in relationships, transitions, and everyday life.

A child who can tolerate “not knowing” is a child who can grow. By embracing uncertainty- rather than avoiding it- we give children the space to think, adapt, and become more resilient.

Sometimes, the most powerful thing we can say to a child is not the answer…but: “Let’s think about it together.” If you would like support in building these skills through everyday interactions, Total Communication is here to help.