“Me and You”, “Mine and Yours”
- Bethany Yu
- 14 hours ago
- 3 min read
Parents often worry when young children grab toys, interrupt constantly, or seem unaware of personal boundaries. It can feel like defiance or poor manners. In reality, they simply have not yet developed a clear understanding of “me and you” or “mine and yours”.
These concepts are not present at birth. They emerge gradually through experience, interaction, and repeated relational moments. At Total Communication, we see this understanding as a foundational skill that supports communication, empathy, self-regulation, and social development.
In this blog:
Children Are Not Born With a Clear Sense of “Me” and “You”
Babies enter the world without clear boundaries between themselves and others. Early on, caregivers meet their needs almost immediately. Hunger, discomfort, and distress are regulated through another person.
Over time, children begin to notice patterns. They start to experience themselves as separate from others. This is the beginning of a sense of self. From here, the ideas of “me” and “you” slowly take shape.
Without this developmental process, concepts like ownership, turn-taking, empathy, and perspective-taking cannot fully develop.
How “Mine and Yours” Develops
Understanding ownership is not about learning rules. It is about understanding relationships.
For a child to grasp “mine” and “yours”, they need to understand that:
People have separate experiences
Objects can belong to someone else
Their actions affect others
This takes time. Many children go through a phase where everything feels like “mine”. This is developmentally expected. It reflects emerging awareness of self, not selfishness.
Children who struggle with language, regulation, or social communication may take longer to develop these concepts. They may need repeated, supported experiences before ownership feels meaningful rather than abstract.
Why This Matters for Emotional Regulation and Behaviour
When children do not yet understand “me and you", social situations can feel confusing and overwhelming. They may:
grab items without realising it affects someone else
struggle to wait or take turns
become distressed when asked to share
appear unaware of personal space
These behaviours are often responses to developmental gaps, not intentional misbehaviour. When adults respond with punishment rather than support, children may comply temporarily without understanding why. True regulation and cooperation come from understanding, not enforcement.
The Role of Language in Building These Concepts
Language plays a powerful role in helping children understand boundaries and relationships.
When adults consistently model phrases like “This is your turn” or “That belongs to me right now”, children begin to connect words with lived experience.
Declarative language is especially helpful. Instead of commanding, adults can describe what is happening. For example, “I am holding the toy. You are waiting.” This supports understanding without pressure. Over time, children begin to internalise these distinctions and apply them independently.
Why This Can Be Harder for Neurodivergent Children
Autistic children and those with executive function challenges may find these concepts harder to develop naturally. Differences in social awareness, sensory processing, and communication can make it difficult to notice others’ perspectives. Some children focus deeply on objects or routines, making shared ownership feel unpredictable.
This does not mean they lack empathy or awareness. It means they need intentional support to build these relational concepts through shared experiences rather than abstract explanations.
How We Support “Me and You” at Total Communication
At Total Communication, we work on these concepts through co-regulated, shared activities rather than rules or rewards.
Simple interactions like passing objects, taking turns in play, or sharing roles in a task allow children to experience “me” and “you” in real time. The adult remains actively involved, modelling pacing, language, and emotional safety. We focus on the process, not the outcome. The goal is not perfect sharing. The goal is growing awareness of self and others.
A Final Reflection
Understanding “me and you” and “mine and yours” is not about teaching right or wrong. It is a key developmental step. When children are gently supported to recognise themselves as separate yet connected to others, they develop stronger emotional regulation, clearer communication, and more secure relationships.
Difficulties with sharing, boundaries, or social understanding are often developmental signals rather than behavioural concerns. When these foundations are supported early, empathy, cooperation, and confidence can grow naturally.
If you would like support in nurturing these early developmental skills, our team at Total Communication is here to guide you through everyday, meaningful interactions.
Connect with us to learn more:
Call/Whatsapp: +65 9115 8895
Fill out the reachout form: https://www.totalcommunication.com.sg/contact
Bethany Yu
Developmental - Educational Therapist
known for her warm, personalised approach and strong multicultural insight. Trained in Feuerstein’s Instrumental Enrichment and Lindamood-Bell programmes, she supports children’s language, literacy, and thinking skills through engaging, strengths-based sessions that build confidence and independence.
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