5 Things I Stopped Saying After Learning Why My Child Was Struggling to Communicate

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Communication difficulties can show up in everyday moments long before a child receives a formal diagnosis.

• A child who understands more than they can express may still need support with communication.

• “He'll grow out of it” can sometimes delay a closer look at a child's communication development.

• Behaviour such as frustration, withdrawal, or avoiding conversation can have a communication component.

• The right speech therapy focuses on the child's functional communication, not simply on getting them to say more words.

• Early support can give parents clearer answers and children more opportunities to communicate successfully.

THE FIVE SENTENCES I STOPPED SAYING

It started with a familiar scene. My child was trying to tell me something. I could see the idea in their face, the pointing, the gestures, the half-finished sentence. I knew there was something they wanted me to understand, yet the words simply were not coming together.

After a few attempts, frustration took over. For a long time, I responded with sentences that sounded harmless: “Take your time.” “You know how to say it.” “Just try again.” “You're talking too fast.” “You'll get there.” Then I started learning more about how children develop communication skills. And I realised that sometimes the words we use to reassure a child can accidentally overlook what they are experiencing. So here are the five things I stopped saying  and what I began asking instead.

LOOKING BEYOND THE WORDS

1. “He knows what he wants to say. He just needs to try harder.”

This one can be particularly easy to believe. A child may understand a question, know exactly what they want, and even have a clear idea in their mind yet struggle to organise the words needed to express it. Communication involves much more than knowing vocabulary.

A child may be working on several skills at once:

• Finding the right words

• Putting words together

• Understanding questions

• Following conversations

• Using grammar

• Taking turns

• Explaining ideas

• Telling a story

• Repairing communication when someone misunderstands them

When communication breaks down, “try harder” rarely tells us what skill actually needs support.

A better question is:

“Which part of communication is proving difficult for my child?”

That question opens the door to a much more useful conversation.

2. “She'll catch up eventually.”

Children develop at different rates. That is true. At the same time, a persistent communication difficulty deserves attention rather than a passive wait-and-see approach.

Research from the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association highlights the importance of identifying communication difficulties and providing appropriate support, particularly when communication challenges affect a child's ability to participate in everyday activities. The key issue is not whether every child reaches every milestone at exactly the same age.It is whether your child's communication is developing in a way that allows them to participate, connect, learn and express themselves.

That distinction matters.

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3. “He talks, so his speech must be fine.”

This was another assumption I had to rethink. Talking is not the same as communicating effectively. A child may speak in sentences while still finding certain aspects of communication difficult.

For example, they may:

• Give very short answers to open-ended questions.

• Struggle to explain what happened at school.

• Have difficulty telling a story in the correct sequence.

• Find it hard to describe objects or experiences.

• Frequently misunderstand questions.

• Struggle to maintain a conversation.

• Have trouble finding the words they want.

• Become frustrated when others misunderstand them.

These difficulties can be easy to miss because the child is talking.

Parents may therefore focus on how many words their child says rather than what their child can actually do with language.

Functional communication gives us a better lens.

4. “He's just shy.”

A child who avoids speaking may genuinely be shy. But repeated communication difficulties can also make speaking feel difficult. Imagine knowing the answer but struggling to formulate it quickly. Imagine wanting to join a conversation but being unsure how to enter it.

Imagine telling a story and repeatedly losing the words halfway through. Over time, a child may participate less simply because communication has become effortful. That is why behaviour deserves context.

Rather than immediately labelling a child as “shy,” parents can observe:

• When does the child communicate most?

• Who do they communicate comfortably with?

• Do they speak more at home than at school?

• Do they avoid particular types of questions?

• Do they become frustrated when explaining something?

• Can they communicate their ideas more easily through gestures, drawing or other methods?

These observations can give a speech-language therapist valuable information.

5. “Just tell me what you want.”

This sentence usually comes from a good place. Parents want to encourage independence.

But imagine being asked to explain something when the very skill needed to explain it is the skill you are struggling with.

Sometimes the child already is communicating through pointing, facial expressions, sounds, gestures, fragments of sentences or repeated attempts. The adult's role is to notice those attempts and create opportunities for the child to build on them. Instead of repeatedly demanding a perfect verbal response, try modelling useful language.

For example:

Child: “Car.”

Parent: “You want the red car.”

Child: “School.”

Parent: “You went to school. What happened at school?”

The goal is not to speak for the child.

It is to provide language they can hear, understand and eventually use themselves.

WHY THESE FIVE SENTENCES MATTER

None of these sentences make a parent a bad parent. They are ordinary things people say when they are trying to reassure, encourage or understand their child. The shift happens when we replace assumptions with curiosity.

Instead of:

“He'll catch up.”

Ask:

“What communication skills are developing right now?”

Instead of:

“She's shy.”

Ask:

“What happens when communication becomes difficult?”

Instead of:

“He talks, so he's fine.”

Ask:

“Can he use language effectively across everyday situations?”

That change in perspective can be surprisingly powerful.

WHEN SHOULD YOU CONSIDER SPEECH THERAPY?

There is no single age at which every child should communicate in exactly the same way.

However, certain patterns deserve closer attention.

Consider speaking with a speech-language professional when your child consistently:

• Struggles to express wants, needs or ideas.

• Has difficulty understanding age-appropriate instructions or questions.

• Uses much simpler language than expected for their age.

• Finds conversations unusually difficult.

• Struggles to tell or retell simple stories.

• Frequently becomes frustrated when trying to communicate.

• Is difficult for familiar people to understand.

• Has communication difficulties that affect participation at home or school.

Speech therapy can provide a structured assessment of the child's communication profile and identify specific areas that require support.

For families looking for Speech Therapy in Singapore, the goal should be more than simply increasing the number of words a child says.

The goal is meaningful communication.

Where does speech therapy take place?

Speech therapy may take place in a clinical setting, school environment, or other appropriate context depending on the child's needs and the service being provided. At Total Communication in Singapore, speech-language support is centred around helping children develop practical communication skills that carry into everyday interactions. That means looking beyond isolated exercises and considering how a child communicates with the people and environments around them.

WHAT CHANGES WHEN COMMUNICATION BECOMES EASIER?

The transformation can appear in small moments first. A child who previously pointed may begin using a short phrase. A child who usually says “I don't know” may start explaining what happened. A child who became frustrated during conversations may find a way to clarify what they mean.

A parent may finally understand why certain conversations repeatedly became difficult.

These changes can affect far more than speech.

When children have stronger communication skills, they have more opportunities to:

• Participate in classroom discussions

• Ask for help

• Explain their thoughts

• Build relationships

• Express emotions

• Share experiences

• Advocate for themselves

• Become more independent communicators

That is why effective speech therapy looks at communication as a functional skill.

How Total Communication approaches communication support

Total Communication Therapy, based in Singapore, specialises in children's communication and language development. Its speech-language work considers the skills behind everyday communication and helps identify where a child needs support.

For parents, this can mean moving from:

“Why isn't my child communicating like everyone else?”

to:

“Now I understand what my child is finding difficult, and I know what we can work on.”

That clarity matters.

An Invite To Connect

If you have been repeating the same questions about your child's communication, you deserve answers that go beyond “give it some time.”

Total Communication works with children and families in Singapore to understand communication difficulties and build practical speech and language skills.

You can take the next step by speaking directly with the team.

WhatsApp: +65 9115 8895 Website: www.totalcommunication.com.sg

A clearer understanding of your child's communication can start with one conversation.

FAQ - QUESTIONS PARENTS ASK ABOUT SPEECH THERAPY