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What’s the Difference Between Tantrum and Dysregulation?

It can be hard to tell. A child is crying, screaming, and refusing to move. You’re trying to stay calm. But in that moment, it’s unclear. Are they throwing a tantrum? Or are they genuinely dysregulated? 

Difference between Tantrum and Dysregulation | Singapore | Total Communication

Here’s how to tell the difference and what each one might be telling you. 


What is a Tantrum? 

A tantrum is often goal-driven. The child wants something - attention, a toy, a snack, and they’re using big behaviours to get it. 

Tantrums... 

  • Are intentional 

  • Are purposeful 

  • Often stop once the child gets what they want 

  • Usually happens in front of an audience 

  • Often comes with awareness of what they’re doing 


In a tantrum, a child may look at you to see how you’re reacting. They may pause the behaviour if they get distracted or change tactics if it’s not working. 


What is Dysregulation? 

Dysregulation is different. It’s not about getting something. It’s about losing control. 

Dysregulation is: 

  • A stress response 

  • Involuntary 

  • Not something the child can turn off 

  • Often followed by exhaustion or a need to recover 

  • Something that can occur even when no one else is watching 


A dysregulated child may not be able to hear you clearly or follow instructions. Their body and brain are overwhelmed. You might see flapping, screaming, hiding, or complete shutdown. 


They are not doing this to you. It’s happening within them. 

 

Key Differences at a Glance 

Feature 

Tantrum 

Dysregulation 

Goal-driven 

Yes 

No 

In control 

Mostly 

No 

Stops quickly 

Often yes 

No, needs time and support 

Can follow directions 

Sometimes 

Usually not 

Response to limits 

Testing 

Overwhelmed 

Why it Matters 

Responding to a tantrum and supporting dysregulation requires different strategies. 

When a child is dysregulated, logical explanations don’t land. Threats and consequences escalate the response. What they need is co-regulation, your calm to anchor their chaos. 

When it’s a tantrum, you can set clear, consistent boundaries while staying steady. 

Misreading dysregulation as a tantrum often leads to frustration for both the adult and the child. 

 

What You Can Look For 

Ask yourself: 

  • Is my child overwhelmed, or trying to get something? 

  • Can they stop if I ignore or distract them? 

  • Are they aware of what they’re doing? 

  • Are they looking to me for a reaction or cue? 


Your observations matter. You’re not expected to get it right every time. But pausing to reflect can help you respond, not just react. 

 

What can help 

If dysregulation is frequent or intense, it might help to look deeper. 


Children with sensory differences, communication challenges, or difficulty with transitions may show dysregulation more often. 


Working with an educational therapist or speech-language pathologist can provide insight into what’s going on underneath and how to support regulation in everyday routines. 


Your job isn’t to stop every outburst. It’s to notice the pattern, stay connected, and help your child feel safe enough to learn a new way. 


Our team at Total Communication works with children who experience big emotions, sensory overload, and learning frustrations and with the families who want to understand them better. 


If you’re ready to explore what’s beneath the surface, we’re here to listen, observe, and support. 


Reach out to Total Communication to start that conversation. 


Call or WhatsApp: +65 9115 8895 


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